Tears and Whispers

When I found out I was pregnant the last time, John and I both knew it was a girl long before the ultrasound. Before we were even sure we could handle a 6th child, I dreamed about her.... just waiting.... Everyone thought we would want a boy to make our family even, but that was never the case. For my last child, I had envisioned a sweet little angel girl that I could hold and cuddle for hours, softly stroking her soft blond hair.

I did not get what I ordered.

Sophia Rose has definitely been the busiest child we have ever had. The word "cuddle" has never been in her vocabulary. Even as a small baby she was extremely difficult to nurse because she would toss and turn and flip herself over. She is in to everything and is everywhere at once. She can climb anything. Unless she is sleeping she is running, jumping, climbing.... or creating a disaster somewhere. More than one set of expectant parents has watched our little Sophie with terror in their eyes.

Having 5 other children, I really thought I had seen it all. Boy was I wrong!! We had to add more flip locks, cabinet locks, door locks, toilet latches, etc. when Sophie started to crawl. She has had a fractured skull, has gotten into my sisters heart pills and drank children's Advil like candy (which was on the 2nd to top shelf of our cabinet in the kitchen!) I had to remove the handles from my bathtub because she would sneak into our master bathroom, jump in the tub fully dressed and turn the water on.... from the moment she started to walk!

She is very stubborn and is hard to distract. If there is something she wants, she will throw a fit until she gets it. If she sees anyone with a soda, she will refuse all other beverages.... milk, juice, etc. (OK... totally my fault...) She loves bananas and eats one every morning. If we happen to be out ... oh boy! The world as she knows it will end.

We used to travel more. We took Katie when she was exactly Sophie's age now along with Rachel who was 11 months to Hawaii (from Boston even!) They were perfect.... even on the 10 hour flight from Newark to Oahu. (Which came after the flight from Boston to Newark and before the flight from Oahu to Maui.) I think I would have to be forced at gun point to try that trip with Sophie. I would take ALL 5 other kids before I would take just her.

Remember the family that got kicked off the Southwest Airlines plane?

BUT ... in the wake of last weeks tragedy... I am trying to not complain so much, trying to love her because of who she is instead of loving her in spite of how she is. I hold her a little closer, a little tighter. I want to enjoy her outgoing, fearless personality instead of fear it. She has just recently started to allow me to hold her and cuddle her and I have never felt so lucky. I can't imagine what my life would be without her. I look at her cute little face with the dimples in her cheeks and that fiery light in her eye.... and feel overwhelming love.

Every morning around 5 am, Sophie climbs out of her crib, toddles in with her teddybear in hand and climbs into bed with us. The last few days I have held her as close as I possibly can and with tears in my eyes, I whisper words of thanks for this happy, energetic, courageous littel girl.

Our hearts and prayers are with the Larson family. There is not a moment that goes by that we are not thinking of you with the loss of your darling 2 year old little Kamber. I just hope that the love and support of your amazing family, friends and community will help you get through this terrible time.